top ten.... uhh 7

I haven't written about my hair in a gazillion months. That doesn't mean that my obsession has slowed down one bit. I think I'm at the point where I know exactly what my hair wants and needs but the inner PJ in me keeps wanting to buy and try more. I've recently had a few hankerings to retry old products that I liked but for now I'm holding off.

I really want to use the beauty supply under my sink.
If I were to narrow it down to ten products, which I though was impossible a year ago it would be. In this order too

1. Long Aid curl activator Gel (Green)
2. Castor oil
3 Giovanni conditioner(It doesn't matter which, I like them all)
4. I'm still on the hunt for a good shampoo. At this point I'm using one from the 99 cent store.
5 Glycerine
6 Shea butter
7.Eco styler gel

Actually I think that's it. I have no loyalty to any conditioner or shampoo so they still rotate. I picked giovanni cause it's mostly natural and has slip. I really haven't used shea butter in a few months. So then why is it that my eyes light up and my hearts race when I see thick creamy conditioners promising to moisturize? I have a real problem. The plan now is to leave my hair alone and let it do it's thing. Weirdiest thing has happened, I like my protective styles now and I prefer when it is pinned up. I bought some wigs and Kinky twist hair so that I can look cute while doing nothing to it. I will update on those later.

UCLA fro (Hair story part 5)

When I was in the tenth grade. I became a member of a community organization that changed my life in more ways than I can count. This organization was developed by two very strong and beautiful women to improve the quality of life for people in one of the most impoverished communities in America. It had a component specifically for youth to address the issues they felt were important. This opportunity to use my long silenced voice was crticial in my current world view. I never left the place. After school I went there. At school I held meetings about the group. On weekends I volunteered in the neighborhood. I only went home to sleep and change clothes. During this time I was also exposed to the beauty of natural hair.
As you will often find in community based organizations there were quite a few women with natural hair. But these women were ab-so-lute-ly breath taking. There was the founder with the forever TWA, there was the boisterous 4b lady...who ended every sentence with "Okaaay", the was the lady with the medium puff whose fashion was to die for, The lady with cute locs and there was my favorite do the young lady who'd returned from UCLA with the crinkly fro. I don't know if it was because she was closer to my age but I wanted my hair like that!

When she'd left for college she was a mostly straight-haired natural, who when not straight was in a bun. One day at dinner (I told y'all I lived there)I heard her tell one of the Latinas that she puts conditioner, braids it up at night and releases it. That was the beauty secret that I had been longing to hear. From that point when I would take down my braids(the aforementioned Brandy braids), I would braid up my natural hair for my UCLA 'fro. I thought it was beautiful but I was way too scared to even walk into the living room with my hair like that.

At this organization these women(and some men too)saw the interest that I was taking in understanding studentsas part of the solution so they recommended that I read more on previous youth movements. I read "A Taste of Power" by Elaine Brown, "ASSATA" by Assata Shakur,"With my Mind on Freedom" by Angela Davis (Any English teachers or nerds like me...I know book titles are supposed to be underlined. I pressed control+ U and it didn't underline it.)and a few other books and articles... I only mention this because it was during this time that I realized that the movements of students and people of color was not about militancy or violence but about respect and acceptance. A monumental part of the Black power movement was reclaiming African culture and resetting Black standards of beauty.

Upon this realization, I knew that I could never chemically alter my hair again. Assatta Shakur says in her autobiography " If you are deaf, dumb and blind, you are under no obligation to do anything but if you know and do nothing but sit on your ass then you're nothing but a punk." I may have to go back and check the wording on that quote but I'm sure that was the gist. Any how knowing that I, my family and my community had been conditioned to hate ourselves because of our connection to our ancestral heritage was just plain silly. Ohhh but it was hard. I literally had to tell my self and often, "your natural hair is pretty."

I was in purgatory. My conscience wouldn't let me perm. My fear of non acceptance or "un prettiness" Would not let me out of those braids.... This continued until my first year of college I vividly remember the day....It was in February 2001 that I unraveled my braids that I'd put conditioner on the night before. I put in a blue glittery headband to match my blue shirt and I walked to class, daring someone to tell me my UCLA afro was not beautiful. Even though I only half way believed it myself.

Ugly 'do, Doing Good

I have been too guilty of leaving the house and going to work with hair that I hated because I have been taking care of it. Case in point, last week I put in some plaits(AKA box braids- I didn't part so they were not boxes)They looked cute for um... 3 days. I wore them for 10. I didn't take them down because my hair is breaking like a madwoman and braids allow me the chance to baggy overnight and not to worry about my do in the morning, wash and deep condition without changing my style and make it to work on time even when I have to get my DD ready. I tried to jazz them up I used my hair zings, claw clips and headbands but they were raggedy plain and simple. I finally took them down on day 10 my hair felt silky and my broken strands were minimal. My ugly do did some good.

I want to get a wig so I can look like I have my big wild fro but be baggying and carrying on but I feel SUPER self conscious. I talk trash about some Black women's dependence on wigs. I don't want to depend on it. I do want to use it as a tool. Everytime I mention it to my husband he goes..."uuuuuuh I don't know, I mean it's your hair. Do what you want to do BUT it's FAKE hair." I think I have a reputation even with people who I have never spoken to at(neighbors and coworkers) about hair because my hair is always natural. I feel like secretly these people, some of whom whose names I don't even know will be having a meeting about my hypocritical ways.

I used to wear braids and kinky twists.It gave my hair the much needed break while still looking presentable and I could washit with no problems but I think I'm at a point in my hair love affair where I need to touch it daily. The last two times did them,I lost my edges too. They just grew back and im not ready to deal with that right now.

Weaves, although they intrigue me, also scare me. I really would not have access to may hair. Washing would be difficult, it may be installed too tightly, the hair is hella expensive and it the one thing I don't know how to do my self so I would have to pay someone.

This week I've been trying something in between. I have been baggying big loose braids at night which keep my hair stretched and ends moist. In the morning, I pull my hair into a bun, moisturize and seal the ponytailed hair, put on a baggy then my phony pony puff. It is the same length as my real hair. I still feel self-conscious but I feel like I'm getting over on people because no one knows I am treating my hair to a special baggy treat. At least this week my hair looks well while being well cared for.

New Year, New Hair

I am feeling really good about the decisions I've been making with my hair in the new year. I've started to dry style more. I find I lose less hair that way. I really have decided to keep combs and brushes at bay. For detangling at least. I don't care how many naturals say such and such miracle brush or seamless, natural comb glided through their hair and they only lost 1 strand.... It aint for me. I lose a small fury animal. It's not shed hair, a significant portion of them are broken. That probabaly is the reason for my crown area damage. I only detangle gently with my fingers. I am not buying any new products. That's right. A month has passed and I have not bought 1 product. There are a few things that I've run out of that I love.1 of which I may rebuy before my daughter's wash day. I don't mind using conditioners with 25 letter ingredients for me but she's only one and I try to use natural products for her so I will be buying 1 (I really want to get two and a bottle of GPB but that will not help me use up my stash)bottle of AOHSR. I am also doing a test run on being cone free. That's been three weeks. So far may hair is liking it but I cant tell if the difference in my hair is a combination of the other changes I've made. One of which being overnight baggying three to four days a week. Oh my ends will love me forever for this. The second of which is leaving my styles in for a week at least. I'm really pushing for 10-14 days. We shall see.

I'm just sayin'...

You ever want to backhand somebody for a sideways comment. You know the comment that wasn't meant to offend, but in it's roots are offensive. Today I saw a young lady I hadn't seen in a while at a social gathering for a mutual friend. I had my daughter whom she'd never met. She commented on her beauty, for which I replied thank you. Then she looked at her afro puffs and said "Oh my what are you going to do with her hair, it's thiiiick." She thought she was shooting the breeze but I gave her the stank eye. Her comments were wrong on so many levels. First off my daughter has fine hair. It is extremely dense but fine. Second, so what if it was thick. Thick was her code word for nappy and not the adjective nappy,(which I love and use) the denegration nappy. Third, and what I believe was the root of her comment, combing nappy hair is not an arduous chore,or burden. She implied that my child some how by being her normal, beautiful, perfectly made self, was defective. I wanted to raise my right eybrow, get my questioning tone and roll my neck simeoutaneously but this was not the time nor the place. After I gave her the look I quickly left her alone with her ignorant thoughts. To answer her silly ass question, I"m going to love her hair, treat it gently, keep it moisturized, let it grow and most importantly teach her to love it and see the beauty in herself as well. That way she won't be one of those people who's hair has been fried, dyed and laid to the side, overrun by splits and consequently at the same length for 7 years(I'm just sayin').

My splits are splitting

I don't know what to do, I am noticing growth but my ends are jacked up. I have trimmed about four or five times this year, trynna get rid of splits. But upon close inspection my splits have splits, sometimes three times and then a single strand knot. Don't ask me how that happens to a lady who only detangles with conditioner and leaves her hair stretched 95% of the time. Some one who almost never uses heat. I have used it twice last yr. Once in March and once in December.
I have thought about searching and destroying but I thought that was ridiculously tedious. Then for a week straight, I wanted this over priced machine that probably would have ripped my hair out. The infomercial claimed that it only trimmed the splits. I went searching high and low for Black, then curly, then natural women using this. I found some staight haired Black women on youtube, but textured hair seemed to evade this thing like the plague. Then I went to my trusty hair forums..... they confirmed what my heart did not want to believe. That weird, overpriced machine would have gotten all tangled in my naps to say the least. My choices are to cut much higher on the strand about all the knots and splits(loosing a few hard earned inches) or search and destroy gradually. I chose the later. I will see how this works out after a few months.

A long overdue update

I have been thinking about posting alot of things that are not hair related at all. Because they weren't I didn't post.I've also been lazy. Most of the time, I'm reading everybody and their momma's blogs,loving them and wishing I had a space to contribute my own two cents.I think I done with that.dont get me wrong I am still a faithful reader of all of the fabulous hair info. I just will write about what ever moves me. I have also been in limbo with some things at work. I have taken care of those things. Mentally, I feel freed. Like I need some productive things to do. There are some projects that have been in my head and in my journal that I will work to bring to life this year. Hopefully people will enjoy reading it and it will be somewhat meaningful or at least entertaining.